Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize