I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
