The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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