fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
