first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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