I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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