Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
