my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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