Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
