i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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