youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
