420 ftw
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
