I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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