Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
