And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
