What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
