The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
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