i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
True strength comes from lack of pants
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
