Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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