It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
