When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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