my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
