I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
