he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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