just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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