Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Randomize
