Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
