is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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