So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
