I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
