wrigley field is MILF paradise
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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