And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
