There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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