Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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