he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
