sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
