he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
