he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
