You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
