break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
