Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
