coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
