i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I AM VODKA MAN
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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