Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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