Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
