like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
