Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
he thought i was a dude.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
