I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
