I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
