He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
