I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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