threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
